Well my lovelies, have you missed me as much as I’ve missed you? Though you may not have seen me, I’ve still been around, although I’ve been a bit more detached from the world wide web in the last few months, so though I’ve been following adventures I’ve not felt too compelled to throw my two cents in anyone’s direction.
So, how am I? I’m, actually ok. Thank you all so much for your comments, messages and love. I’m trying to get a handle on myself by myself, I’m managing, in a manner of sorts. My weight is maintaining and I’m limiting myself to one preplanned b&p episode a week, sometimes events have to be organised around this, and I panic at the thought of it not being convenient/possible to do such. It probably sounds absurd to think myself ok when making room in my calendar for such events, but for now it’s what I need to do to get by. I can eat moderately and guiltlessly all week when I know I have that one day, and even then it’s nowhere near as catastrophic an episode as it once was. I still know I’m not really alright, and that I need to address this formally at some stage, but for now, it is what it is.
Work is busybusybusy, which really is rather a good thing I’m sure. I’ve been doing lots of overtime and endearing myself to my boss, who by the way is officially the nicest boss in the whole entire world. How nice? Well, today for example, the busiest day of the year thus far, and a couple of us girls were nattering away about washing windows (typically random work conversation), he strolls past on his way elsewhere and just asks us to keep it down a bit. Anyone else would’ve been within his rights to scream at us from their desk to shut up and work for heaven’s sake, and even what he did do was so uncharacteristically disciplinary that we were shocked into silence for the rest of the day! He’s incredibly approachable and friendly and takes angry customers from me and I think I may be a little in love with him.
So, yes, work. Lovely boss came over to me to note my phenomenal work today, his words not mine. As it was so busy most were resigned to not finishing all their assigned accounts, but not Cara, oh no, she saw it as a challenge. See, I’ve decided that while this may not be the job I want to do for the rest of my days, and may not offer much in the way of job satisfaction and while I may become utterly disillusioned that 6 years in college leaves me making not much more than minimum wage…I have a job, and at the moment that is a privilege that not everyone shares (and few know the effects of the current economical climate like she who works in credit operations)…and so while I have my job, I’m going to work. Tolling day in and out at the bare minimum is a surefire way to utter apathy, I want more for myself, so I’m going to give this my all, and get the most out of it that I can. Lovely boss man has already mentioned that the next vacancy that arises in the level above mine has my name on it, and to be discussed for promotion within my first 6mths isn’t too shabby, surely?
As for home. Well, home is not so hot. Home with mes parents sees them struggling through this financial crisis with the rest of the world, trying to constantly reassure me that they (we) will be fine, they just have to ride it out, cash-poor, asset-rich is getting thrown around a lot. But it seems it will be a while before assets are worth their riches again.
Home here, with little sister, is downright icy. We’re just not getting on. We’ve always had a tumultuous relationship, but under one roof the bad seems to outweigh the good 100:1…a ratio which does not make for pleasant living conditions. She gets mad, but I get upset. It’s rather ugly a realisation to make that my little sister doesn’t seem to like me as a person, actually can’t seem to find one redeeming feature in her big sister. Thing is, I try. I really and truly do. And I really don’t think I could try harder. We decided to go our separate ways before Christmas, enough was enough, and thought this the best way to save our relationship, and so we went a-hunting for our respective new abodes, and only when both were secured were we to discover how watertight our lease here was, and that it would cost thousands to leave before its expiration. And so, leaving wasn’t an option, and we’re forced to suffer each other until May, if only it were suffering in silence!
But, it’s not all doom and gloom, in my flat-hunting adventures I discovered a boy, a beautiful bright boy who’s been keeping me entertained for the last few months. Never before have I come across one who’s ticked every box on my wish-list, and so it would all be rather daunting and scary that this seemingly perfect creature would wish to know me, except I’m trying my hardest not to listen to myself, to not allow myself be scared off by the voice screaming ‘not good enough!’…and he’s still here, and so, so far so good. It’s early days yet, so I’m loathed to get too excited, but I do want to enjoy it, because everything ends, and when it does end I’d rather know I enjoyed the journey.
So, that’s me, how have you been??